Chili on the Pot

Life is good.

For some reason....

I am obsessed with the fact that someone cut her hair. It looks shorter in the front to me and it is driving me CRAZY!

Daddy is turning her to a girlie girl-actually she loves it - all of it.

Sweet cheeks.

No complaining here, just stating facts.

So here are some words from a mommy with a broken heart. My little girl loves me , I know, but her interaction with me has been so limited since I have been sick that she no longer seeks me out. If she gets hurt she looks for her nana or daddy instead. If she is frustrated or finds something to show somebody I no longer am the number one in her life. It is sooooooooooooo sad to see how things are changing with us. Once in a while she reaches for me to pick her up and I can not so she then sort of remembers and just kind of grumbles under her breath and walks away.

Since December, I have had not been able to act like a wife or a mom and it has been so hard. I no longer run to the store to pick up groceries, pick out outfits for my Lucy, plan or make dinners, I do not even go out to get the mail because that would involve walking and getting out of bed.

I know that I have made a lot of improvement but I can sense that my spleen is not shrinking anytime soon so that means more of me sleeping, and moving like an 80 yr old for the next 'who knows how long' weeks. I am just sooooooooooooo over it. Ahhh!

We just want to be a family of 3 again. Lucy had a bit of a meltdown tonight when she wanted her nana and she would not go to either of us. To be honest, it freaked me out. She cried for several minutes and her eyes looked so sad like she did not want to be with her mommy and daddy. It was the worst feeling ever. She has been with us such a short time. I worked so hard to be her primary caregiver when we first brought her home and the bonding was a beautiful thing. Now, all our hard work seems to be unraveling and it is so out of my control. Nothing I can do. So I guess we have to wait this out and start all over again.

I hope time passes quickly and I will be able to be the love in her life again. Until then, enjoy all your precious babies, hug them, kiss them and pick them up and swing them around for me. Trust me, it hurts when you can't do that. I am hanging in there- it is just a major bummer and sad too.

getting ready for bed

here are some pics from earlier this evening - she is such a cute kid. seriously, i love this lil girl. i have been spending so much time with her, but i want to spend it with her. she is so cute when it is just the three of us around. she loves to draw tonya and i close in to her, till our faces just about touch together.
so, tonya and lucy were looking at her animal books, and then she was ready for her sleep time. as seen here: