Ok. So things have been a little rough around here lately. First, it started with my stupid tonsillectomy on the 15th. I was doing everything right, taking in fluids, trying to eat, icing my throat. Until 3 days later, the 1% chance of bleeding came in to play. There we were in the ER. Scary stuff. Doctors had to do a procedure to stop the bleeding. Obviously, the wicked pain is gone but I thought it all would be gone by now. Still popping advil and having pain when I talk too much and just being.
The worst thing about the ER visit was that I was supposed to see my grandma that day. My parents were headed down to see her. She had a sudden illness that became untreatable and her timeline was short. I am so very sad that she could not see me with her eyes open. I gues that day was her best day. With the bleeding set back, the earliest I could get there was Tuesday. My dad drove me down. She knew I was there but could not open her eyes and could not talk. So very sad and it felt like I was in a movie. If you knew my grandma, you knew that she was full of life. She always wanted to be doing something and be included in everything. She did not like the thought of being 'old'. She was on a golf league, in a travel group and was self sufficient. We had a special bond. I miss her everyday and still can not believe she is not just a phone call away. Tonight, I was alone at home and thought, I should call grandma. I can still hear her voice say'Hiiii, my Tonnnnnyyy, I'm so glad you called.'
Now what am I supposed to do. We always spent a weekend at a concert each summer and then just the two of us would go out for breakfast and have some girl time. It has not all sunk in. My mom has been spending a lot of time at grandma's house with my aunts taking care of business that needs to be taken care of. I know she is grieving losing grandma and the house she was raised in with our awesome grandpa too. The house that we all pretty much grew up in. So many good memories and just the feeling of being there can not be replaced. The smells, the history, the comfort. My grandma valued her parents and grandparents and kept a lot of letters, paintings and home decorations from them. She saw how special keeping things in the family was. Their things were each special to her as they are now to her close family as well.
It doesn't matter that she was 'older' and lived along time, it still stinks so bad that she is not here anymore. She was such a great grandma to us and John too. She always flirted with him ;)
I loved her with all my heart and will miss her everyday. I know she is resting now and I will see her again. I will be sure to tell her that at her funeral we played Frank Sinatra' I did it my way', just like she always said she wanted.
If you are wondering about lucy, she is driving me crazy but she is still cute. She fell and wacked her head on the concrete sidewalk today, so that was fun. So far, she is still alive. It was scary though!! I have a pic of Lucy and her great grma that was just taken at the end of April. I took it with grma's camera and when we looked at her sd card it was on there. I will scan and post soon. I love the pic. Sigh.
