There once was a story about Rip VanWinkel and today he kinda reminded me of ....me. He was the man that slept for 20 years and when he woke he did not recognize the world anymore.
In adoption "years" 16 months feels like 20 years. The hopes that we once had seem to constantly change or fade with every passing day. We see everyone else living life to their fullest and our world has stood still. I know in the beginning, I felt so young and excited and now I just feel like I am tired and a lot older. Trust me, it has been a lot longer of a road than 16 months. It has been 3 years actually.
Our world is kind of like a dream world. We are constantly reminded that we are different than everyone else. Only a small percentage of others can truly know how we feel.
We hold our heads up high and smile when we are around other people and then slumber to sleep when we leave them. Sleeping is my favorite thing to do. I fall to sleep imagining my little girl. Watching her play and smile. Talk and grow. Then I wake again and realize it was all just a Rip Van Winkle. That is what I call it now. Life is just a Rip Van Winkle.
I also realize we are going to miss the first year of her little life at the very least. Her first smile, and tooth, and laugh and all the little "big" things that she will experience without us there.
So thats it. This blog is about our journey to Lucy and these feelings are a large part of it. It just isn't fair.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry guys. I look at penny sometimes and just ache for you because I can't wait for you to experience what having a little girl of your own will be like.
I hope you take comfort in what I've heard so many adoptive families say"it was worth the wait" Its such a stinky time right now, but everyday is bringing you closer. And don't feel bad about feeling bad either, you are so entitled to your feelings.
There will be new firsts every single day to celebrate. Missing her first year will be hard but you will be experiencing so many other firsts together you will focus on that I bet.One day you are going to wake up and it is going to be THE DAY!! And, enjoy all that sleep now too!
Jam is a great sister to you and is right on. i know that when you get your Lucy time will slow down and you will enjoy all the new things that she does. she will have so much to see and explore.they change constantly. if you want you can dress up mccoy in a dress and pretend for a day, i dont mind. i love you guys tons and also dream of lucy being with us soon.
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